Waiting for worse

At the moment…calm. I’m taking only a steroid, Dexamethasone, (Decadron) to reduce pressure on the brain from the tumor. And it works. The headaches are rare, the nausea gone.

The only real change I notice is insomnia and imbalance…definitely less confidence walking, so when taking our walks around the neighborhood I remember to take a cane with a seat (mine is even simpler than that one) just in case I need it. I don’t go to work, and my wife does most of the driving from precaution. Otherwise life is…normal.

But it’s not. The tumor is there, growing. Things will not stay the same, they’ll get worse. First with the radiation and chemotherapy and their side effects. Those two treatments will slow, but not stop or eliminate, the inescapable cancer. The treatment side effects will let me know things are not normal and will never be. Then sooner or later, the treatments will have done all they can, we’ll decide to stop them, and let the tumor have its way. Then hospice must control the certain-to-come horrors of the end. How one dies of a brain tumor I don’t know yet but it can’t be good.

So I live these few days, in relative calm and comfort now, knowing it will not remain so for long. It cannot remain so. No matter what I do…treatment or not, do something, do anything, do nothing…my current status is short. Worse awaits.

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